Aww...
Oh.. wait, I meant, so this is love JKLAJKALDSJKLG:JD:KLJKL:ADJ:L!!!!
KILL IT WITH FIRE!!!!
Or lot's of stabbing...
The love I share... with the man I love, is a special kind. Filled with much adoration, as well as a specific need to want to kill him with sharp objects on the regular.
The only difference between him and ... well... the rest, is that I would miss him after I fed him to the fishes.
This man-child I'm dating gives me all the stupid feelings that people said I would feel when I was "in love." Feelings I truly thought were impossible for my black soul covered in ice and pieces of shrapnel metal could feel. According to family member's, yep, I'm in love.
To me, this is why it's stupid.
1.) Fuck my life, I don't want to miss someone all the time.
It's not like an oh my God my heart aches unbearably for you, always!!! kind of feeling. No no, see, hell will literally freeze over if that ever happens. I miss him, but it's more like a dull, annnnnnoying, scratching in my brain. Something to the effect of, "I wonder what time he's getting off of work tonight. I would like to see his face. ........ I also want spaghetti."
2.) Death to butterflies.
It still get's me. We haven't been dating for years and years but these butterflies are incessant. They normally die off around the first time I shaboink someone. They'll die off and never return and the relationship will become pretty regular. But, I see him and I want to kick myself in the gut for being such a fucking dork. I'm like an impressionable teenage girl who just saw Channing Tatum for the first time ever in my life and he said hello and oh dear Jesus he touched my hand. I'm never bathing again. Yeah. So that's annoying. He just sideways smiles at me and I immediately want to punch him in the face for making me feel ... um?.... Happy. He makes me happy with a look. UGH.
3.) I'm so mad but you're making me laugh. I hate you more now.
He pisses me off on the daily. So does everyone else, but I can stay mad at everyone else for at least 3 days. I cannot stay angry with him. I try so deeply and fervently to muster my anger at him for being such a dumb fuck face ( my super cute nickname for him) and I hold on to it because he did something or said something really stupid. Then he's all, "Want some ice cream?" And BOOM. I'm in love again. Just kidding, he does know food is the way to my heart, but he cracks me up as well. He laughs at me when I'm mad. What the fuck? I want him to cower in fear like the rest. Nay, the penis-bearer just laughs at me, which just makes me angrier and then I start laughing because I'm such a child it's unreal.
4.) He's successfully woken me up in a shocking way and not died.
My family played paper, scissors, rock to see who would have to wake me from my hibernation in the mornings. They would slowly open my door and whisper my name as to not startle the beast with three heads... ahem, me. If things went well they would see my head pop up and swiftly close the door and wait for me to drag my near lifeless body to the kitchen table. If things didn't go so well...
Something like that would happen...
This lovely boyfriend of mine decides to towel whip me awake, jump on my sleeping body, have a one sided pillow fight with my comatose limbs and gets a ... smile? What is wrong with me?!?! I'm getting soft guys. I'm losing my edge.
5.) I don't like venting about him to anyone because I don't want to hear them talk shit too.
I am known for telling everyone pretty much everything. Heller, I have a blog. Once upon a time, I could easily scald and dismantle the very fiber that held my relationships together just by venting about the boyfriends of past and past-er to my friends and family. They would in turn talk shit and haterade on him for the rest of forever because of that one thing he did that I am now over. It never fails. I say, "I want to vent, I'll be over it soon." They hear, "I'm breaking up with him." I don't do that with this one. I like him. A lot. Obviously by the lack of death I've been wishing upon him. We fight, yes, but I'm not going to talk shit, because I know I'll be over it in 5 mins - 24 hours.
So this is my version of love... It's fucking weird... Juuuustt the way I like it.