Okay all of you crazy people who talk 14 octaves too high.
HEY.
YEAH. HI, I'M GETTING MY POINT ACROSS WITH THE ALL CAPS-NESS YELLING NONSENSE AND WHATNOT.
My ears would be grateful if you just calmed your happy ass down and used your inside voice.
Forever.
Unless you're dying there is no need for noises that loud to come out of any hole on your face. I don't mean falling swiftly into your last sleep, letting the beautiful white light guide you to wherever you are going while the rest of your family watches the monitor go Beep Beep Beep Beeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeep and the camera moves slowly away while you see Aunt Beth clutch Uncle Mark while she sobs into his left shoulder kind of dying either!
I'm sad now I forgot where I was going with this.
Oh right you... with the loud face. Stop, please. Unless some psycho murderer is chasing you down the streets at three in the morning with a machete, I don't ever want to hear that loud noise coming out of your mouth. And so help me if it's not a machete I will just let Shim butcher you in the street.
Shim: She or Him combined. Don't be stupid, stupid.
It's not just me who has this loud speaking voice issue. It's everyone except for other's who talk too loud. There is such a thing as too loud. Too low as well. People who whisper and or mumble kind of irk me. I know they are shy so I don't sweat it that much but when I say "Pardon me?" "What was that?" "I still can't hear you..." I feel so awkward. I don't even want to hear what you have to say anymore. I just want to crawl into a hole and listen to the audio books of Harry Potter on itunes to hear something clear and unobstructed.
I get stuck in that weird squinty intense stare when people talk too low. I guess I think if I try hard enough I might possibly be able to read your lips.
Back to the original topic.
Things that don't need to be yelled when you're right next to the person you're speaking to.
I love headbands!
Thank you!
It looked like a rotten watermelon. So wrinkly! Seriously, what the fuck. You don't even wanna know.
Ohhhh my gooosshhh.
How cute!
For the love of God I will seriously punch the next chick who talks loudly in the vagina. I cannot take it anymore. I've tried nice approaches like lowering my hand as though I am the telepathic controller of your voice box volume while saying "I have a headache." They got the hint. I've tried the mean approach by becoming that which I hate the most and talking just as loud as they do. They got the hint again... but next time I'm going balls to the wall and I'm gonna punch some girl in the vagina. Lord help them if they're male because that will not feel good and I can tell you now I will do it and run. I'm not stupid enough to just stand there. I will sprint away and they will never see me again.
To all you fellow readers if you got punched in the crotch area/vicinity: Sorry bro, it was me. Lower your voice or I will reduce you to that of a little girl manually.
Ok I should probably go now... the bitch in me is coming out and she gets ugly really fast.
No more yelling! Please.
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