The Cats Addiction

I don't even know where to start.
The beginning, dumbass.
Oh. I guess that's a good place...
*inner turmoil*


I dozed off to the sound of Fairly Odd Parents playing in the background around midnight last night. It felt like I had actually just closed my eyes and let the lull of Timmy Turners voice rock me to sleep when Kris' alarm clock went off. "Every day I'm hustlin', Every day I'm hustlin'" ... Cause he's gangster yo. He works at a bakery so he opens up shop at 5:00 most mornings. I can usually fall back asleep after he leaves but alas, this morning I was doomed to walk the wakened world.

The only reason that I actually had to get up was because of Dexter. The demon cat that has an addicts need to knock over anything that contains water almost died this morning. I shall explain.

On my nightstand are 3 very important things.
1.) Computer
2.) Cell Phone
3.) Computer Mouse

So... you can see where I'm going with this maybe?

I normally have some food or beverage on my nightstand as well. Last nights choice was a big cup of water. (Now I know you know where I'm going with this...) This morning as I'm trying to drift back to dream land, I hear a thud and then water...

Dripping.

My eyes flew open and I shot up out of bed to the sight of the yellow cup tipped over and my computer, phone, and mouse sitting in a tiny pool of water. Dexter was backed up against the wall in attack mode with his pupils dilated and his claws out.

Talk about flipping the fuck out on my part.

Dexter knew he was up shit creek without a paddle when I started chasing him with my shoe.
My hair is a mess.
I'm in some tiny little shorts that are only meant to be slept in and then immediately changed when I get out of bed to something more appropriate.
Stumbling over dog toys.
Chasing after my damned cat.
Finally, after succeeding in putting the "NO" all up in his face I came to the lovely realization that each and every one of my windows were open.
It was the beginning of a glorious morning.

I blame all of this, of course, on Kris. We don't let Dexter in the room with us when we're sleeping or in the morning because of this exact reason. He can NOT be around anything liquid or it gets tipped over.
Dogs water bowl - now all over the carpet.
Kris' coffee mug - now all over the carpet.
Kool-aid chillin on the bar- is now on the motherfucking carpet!

My favorite... 

When will the disgusting madness stop?!

"Never."

Luckily, all of those things happened in our old apartment. In our new one all we really drink is water, or we throw whatever we didn't drink in the sink because we don't want to be forced to get new carpet... again.

Anyways back to blaming Kris...

What should happen in the morning: Kris turns his alarm clock off, rolls over and looks at me with my immaculately straightened hair, glossy lips and perfectly mascara-ed eyes and greets me with a "Good morning darling. I had dream about our wedding. You were the most beautiful bride." I don't stir because I'm sleeping like a boss. He then get's dressed ever so quietly, takes the dogs outside to go potty and puts them back in their cages. He walks over to my side of the bed and kisses me on the cheek before he leaves... My eyes flutter open and I look at him and whisper "I love you have a wonderful day." He departs, closing the bedroom door behind him while making sure no vermin are lurking around.

What did happen this morning: "Every day I'm hustlin', Everyday I'm hustlin, Every day I'm hustlin', Everyday I'm hustlin, Every day I'm hustlin'." I lift my head up slowly and just glare at him with this crazy Paranormal Activity look on my face until he decides to grace the alarm clock with his presence. Finally, SLAM! The hand comes down on the alarm clock and I lay my head back down falling back to sleep to the thought of just stabbing him in the arm repeatedly. He sits up in bed and looks down at me. Drooling. Mouth agape. Snoring. Hair's a mess. Make-ups running and gross. He gets out of bed and my eyes pop open. The dogs start whining immediately. He opens and closes the closet and bathroom doors with the force of The Hulk. He turns on every light imaginable. Turns them off and makes impressive noise while doing so. Pecks me on the cheek and says "Bye. Love ya." I turn around and say "Love you too."  Leaves the bedroom door open for VERMIN TO LURK.

This is how this happens. This is how death to technology will happen... careless men and psycho cats who have a need to drop kick a glass of water. This will be the end of days I tell you.

Maybe I'm being dramatic.

Anyways, after that I couldn't sleep so I played Dance Central 2, made my lunch and walked the dogs...

Now my eyes feel like they're going to bleed and I fully plan on passing the fluff out when I get home.