Shit That Scares Me

I can't lie I'm a sucker for being scared. I think it's because being scared makes me laugh ... an unreasonable amount. It's definitely a nervous twitch. Also, when you get scared and then you relive that moment however many minutes or days or months later you can just crack up about it. "Holy shit, I was really going to crap myself that night." I don't know. I have a tendency to laugh at really messed up shit... but that's not the point of this post. THE point is to name some of the shit I'm terrified of. Annnnnnnd GO!

1.) Roaches.
We're aware of the reasons why. Please refer back to this.

And well this....

FOR THE LOVE OF GOD WHY ARE YOU TOUCHING IT!!!!!!??????!?!??!??!??!!?!?

I wouldn't be able to function with a roach in my hand. It would just be flailing and running and more flailing "Getitoffgetitoffgetitofffffffff"

2.) This movie.

Just fuck this movie. I don't even want to talk about it.

This is Norman....

This is BOBBBB.

She mad.

 Bob is pissed because Norman got the girl... Like ... got her and dragged her away to rape her and eat her I can only assume.

The Descent came out when I was about 16, so my friend Cassie and I rented it and thought it would be a good scary movie for a nice summer night. WRONG. WRONG. SO WRONG. Talk about terrifying. The entire time we're watching this movie it's nothing but jumping and squeaking and yelling at the screen "BOB USE YOUR WORDS! DON'T JUST JUMP OUTTA NO WHERE, MAN!"

So you have to watch it.

For the children.

3.) Remotes.

DO YOU KNOW HOW MANY GERMS ARE ON A REMOTE?!

A lot.

It's really gross once you think about it. Remotes are everywhere...In public places such as work and school and BestBuy and you KNOW everyone has been touching them. Then you think... everyone does not wash their hands. They were probably just touching their dick or taking a shit... therefore, I, by touching the remote they just touched... have touched their dick or pooh particles. *Twitch*

OH THE HUMANITY!

I'm NOT ok with this. Personally, I'm a little bit of a hand sanitizer freak. I just need it. I have the lotion kind. It smells good. I urge you to get some now, please, thanks. Also, wash your hands. Soap kills 99.9% of bacteria! It's like I see a person in a different light when I am washing my hands and they come out of the stall and DON'T WASH THEIR HANDS, touch the door handle and tralalala out of the bathroom.

Yes, I'm calling you out because fool, that's gross. It takes like 20 seconds. Don't tell me you can't take 20 seconds to do something necessary. This is a fear of mine because I don't want to touch peoples pooh or dick or pee. I get anxiety about it and I can't help but feel like I can see germs the way those microscopes can in the Clorox commercials.

Oh sweet baby Jesus.

4.) SKKKIIINNN

This just fucks me UP! Show me blood, gore, and guts, I can deal with that. Show me someones skin peeling or flaking off and I turn white and am prone to pass the hell out. EW EW EW.

When I was in high school I had it in my silly little head that I wanted to be a nurse. I took a few advanced health classes and once we got to the subject of the dermis, I about lost my shit. They showed a video of how sweat comes out of your pores and how big and deep they were and ERMAHGAHD I CAN'T WRITE ABOUT THIS.

Ok I had to leave for a few minutes and come back. Yeah... Skin... fuck that. I think it's really the pores that get me. They're actual HOLES in your face. No playing. There are holes in your face. I just picture the most violent things happening in and around those holes. I can't contain myself. It makes me itchy.

5.) Dolls

I was an avid fan of Barbie. I was pretty much in love with polly pockets and playing dress up with them and just being a regular 6 year old girl. At the choice of my brother and sister I was forced to watch Chucky when I was about 7 or 8. If that wasn't traumatizing enough ... my brother and sister decided to get one of my old baby dolls and pop the head off, cut some of the hair out and sharpie it's face with red marker. They proceeded to stick said doll head in my bed between my pillows and then played the waiting game like champs.

When I was younger I would just run straight to my room jump over the foot of my bed and land on the mattress... because I was a fucking acrobat. It was just a habit.

I swear to you, I was in the midst of the jumping and I think I froze in mid-air because I saw this horrific fucking doll head just sitting in between my pillows...I don't really remember what happened after that. I may have blacked out and killed a family of mice or something but it was just terrifying for me. Ever since then I've had a mad hatred for dolls of any sort. I feel like they're always staring at you. They know your secrets...

This fear is alive and well ... probably deeper than all of the other ones combined. I would rather be stuck in a room with a million roaches and skin flakes with remotes and pores than with just one doll that could potentially kill me.

My sister decided to play a little trick on me when I was about to move out of my parent's house. She took the old baby doll and stuck it in my bed while I was gone. She placed it to where it's arms and head were peaking out of the covers just enough to look at me. I got home around 8 that night from work and was just supposed to run into my room change my clothes and head for whatever festivities I had planned. That did not happen.

The house was empty. My parents were out to their favorite bar and I was creeped out enough just because it was dark outside. I walked to my room and started picking out what I was going to wear from this little bench I used to shove all of my clothes on. I turned around to walk out to the bathroom and that's when I saw it. Laying in my bed. Menacing creepy blank stare smile. LOOKING AT ME.


JFOIEJI OJFIO DJIJKSLJFOI DJSFIO JI!!!

I should've been in cross country or track because I bolt so fast from any place when I'm scared. I'm just gone. Fight or flight does not occur in me. It's just flight.

Once my senses came back to me and I realized that my sister was the culprit I immediately called my parents. My dad answered:

"Helloooo?"

"OHMYGOD WHY WOULD YOU LET HER DO THAT?!"

"HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHHAHA. Do what?"

-.- ... Parents.

So my plans changed that night. I decided I was going to go to my sisters house and leave her a little message....

Pretty sure the paper said "Bitch!"

I love my sister but I could've gone forever without that experience.

And those are my fears. Let's not ever use them against me or so help me I will black out and wake up with blood or ketchup on me.