Fall with style

Let's talk about how I suck at being human.

Have you ever done something so incredibly embarrassing, and then just never forgotten about it.

I remember that one time I was publicly dumped ... in 5th grade by that one guy. I still remember his name and the color of the shirt I was silently spilling my tears on. Like, DAMN. That one still gets me in the feels. 10 year old awkward string bean of a tomboy just got pwned by a little popcorn fart of a future douche bag. I really have no idea if he turned into a douche bag or not to be quite honest.

....................He probably did.

I also remember when I tried out for Drama Club in high school because I had a giant crush on my neighbor who was also trying out. Annnnnnd I forgot all my lines. I quickly stated in front of the entire scope of students we had to perform in front of as well as my crush, "I'm sorry, I can't do this." And sat in shame. So. much. shame.

Not such a big deal now, but holy fuck, then it was horrific. It was the worst day of my life. Little did I know that the universe would be like, "Oh dear, it's going to get so much worse."

 I'm pretty sure... This is the face of the universe.

I think the issue with these horrific incidences is that I basically live in the past. I'm made of memories that are publicly humiliating.

I performed in some dance recital in high school for my class. I missed a step and got turned around and bumped another girl. I will never forget that. Pretty sure everyone saw and it's on someones home movie. "My daughter was so graceful and beautiful... and then a minute in, some dumb bitch runs into her!" Uh-thatwasme.

I ripped my pants in 7th grade and walked around the school like that until my best friend told me my kitty underwear was showing. .... Still in my brain.

I wore a low cut shirt on my first day of sophomore year thinking, "BOOBS. FINALLY, BOOBS!"
Was immediately called out for not having boobs in class.

Exactly.

Cut my hair short freshman year, got asked if I was a lesbian until it grew out.
Really?

Yes.

Shit happens. I'm hoping all of this minor, silly stuff happened for a reason. Maybe I'll have a daughter or son just like me and they will need stories from their mother's past that will make them feel like it's not the end of the world.

All in all, I've gotten funny stories from some of these moments and it's made me a little impervious to embarrassing occurrences now. The reason I thought of all of these painful memories was because I have a zit on my philtrum (go google that) and my own boyfriend asked me if it was herpes. . . ..... ... You should know, as I'm typing all of those dot dot dots out, I'm making this face...

 He asked it in front of many people... The first time I met his mother he told her I gave him herpes...

That irritation and minor embarrassment made me relive my past...

I don't have herpes by the way. Really, I'm clean.
But if you're ever embarrassed about something just remember shit happens and happens again but it's basically universal ruler Britney Spears saying your life is too normal right now. Be like Tina Fey, brush it off and make a funny occurrence out of it. Fall with style and all that nonsense.