Did You Ever?

It's time for ... Did you ever?
I don't know why I felt like doing this today but it seemed appropriate I suppose.
These are just random questions I want to know the answer to while simultaneously sort of giving you my answer.
Let us go.

Did you ever find something questionable on the floor and think "Holy ballsacks in my mouth... this is the start of the Zombie Apocalypse."?

Shit happened to me this morning. Scared the bejizzim out of me. I walked into work and there was just some... thing on the floor and I could've sworn I saw it move. "Thefuckisthattttt????" I got scared so I put a cup over it and then slid a piece of paper under the cup and bagged all that shit up and threw it in the dumpster. Maybe I'm still drunk from last night though, because everything is moving right now... but better safe than sorry. AMIRITE?

Did you ever have a questionable smell waft towards you and you're all like "What the fuck is that smell? WHAT IS IT?" It follows you all day long and now you're SURE the bad smell is you and you're asking yourself... "Hey self, why the fuck do you smell so damn bad? I mean... you showered but on the real you are most definitely offending those around you!" Then you realize... you waited 2 days before putting this particular set of laundry in the dryer after it was washed and it has that terrible mooolllddd smell to it.

I hate this. I'm the worst at doing laundry. It's just in my character to be really fucking lazy, so there you have it. Mold clothes. I actually had to leave that day and change my clothes because I was so insecure about my old sponge smell. Not today though... today I smell like flowers and roses... WHAT IS UP?

Did you ever ask a legitimately curious question and get the angriest "OMGKFLJOIWE WHAT'REYOUTALKINGABOUT?" before you even got the full question out, and basically have to hold yourself back from slapping the absolute SHIT out of someone?

Happens to me often. I only notice it around a few people. If I ask a question 94% of the time their response translates to "I think I'm smarter than everyone else and oh yeah... I'm an assclown."
I haven't even gotten my full question out and you're cutting me off. I want to slap you with a flaccid dick now. It's called thinking. Try it every once in a while before you just spout out some random, ignorant response bro.

Did you ever have so much road rage your actual thought of the moment was "I'm about to pound this Celica in the ass if it doesn't stop braking so damn hard." .... I obviously have issues... what about you?

Did you ever see one of those KIA box cars and picture this....

That actually happens more often than I'd like it to. Haha... his shirt says Hamstar.

Anyways... I just felt the need to do this. I don't know why. I like asking questions maybe? I also want to be reassured I'm not the only person who thinks this way.

Join me in my way of thinking. 

That kool-aid is so good.