Bitch, Please

It is time for me to have a magical rant.

Go.

What happened to men? When did they start being such little bitches about everything?

I honestly cannot comprehend how you can spend so much time with someone and then one day they just decide to be a bitch about anything you say or do... and you're stuck with this look on your face like, "What the fuck? Who is this pussy?"

WHAT?

I apologize to the men that actually have dicks and comprehend that whole, "Be a man." saying. I'm at my wits end with this. I'm not writing off men for life, but sweet baby Jesus in heaven if I have one more guy come into my life and act like a man only to be figured as less than that, I will have issues! I do not want a sensitive crying baby on my hands.
I already have a vagina... I don't need another one.

So much to say about this...

Those manly men who say "It's ok to cry in front of my lady because she likes sensitive men."
I call bullshit on this. I feel like a damn awkward baby giraffe when this happens.

Oh... you're crying... and no one died? Umm.
Did you get kicked in the nads?.... No?
Did I say I wanted to break up with you while I was sleeping?... No?
THEN WHY THE FUCK ARE YOU CRYING? Man. The hell. Up.

I might be a little harder on boys than most girls because I detest crying. I don't like it. I have a tumor on my neck because of all the bottled emotion I have.
Fuck. Off. I don't want to cry.
 So when I date someone who's super open and says shit like "Man... I just started crying when I was watching Jersey Girl the other day"...

1. What tha...Whatthefuck?
2. Why are you watching Jersey Girl? Boom it's your new nickname!
3. I have to go now.

This post is awful. I know I seem like a bitch... don't be fooled. I don't just seem like one. I really am one.

I debated even posting it and then I saw this:

And knew it was meant to be. Obviously someone has similar thoughts.

This isn't saying that I want a hard ass all the time. Be sweet, be loving, be awesome and open my car door damn it, but keep in mind... I want a well adjusted man.
Not a vagina.
One of these things is not like the other...

It's been said by more than 10 people (<-- true statistic right there) that I may have a bit of a strong personality. I need someone who says "No" to me. I am a man eater. I will walk all over them. Mean. Heartless. Cold. Blahblahblah...whateva. I ain't even sweatin' it. Truth be told I know some of that is true. Some. Not all of it. I tend to go for these sensitive types and then I can't joke with them because I'm apparently mean.

False statement sir.

I'm KIDDING almost all of the time. You're just a bitch. Nothing that ever comes out of my words hole is said in pure seriousness. Ever. Ask my sister. It's nonsensical sarcasm that just spews out of my mouth. I could change but NO! I don't feel like it. I don't want anyone to change for me.

Been there, tried that. DIDN'T WORK.

100% of all of my friends, family and co-workers were like... "Woah. This is what you're really like when you're not trying to be someone's definition of a good girlfriend? I like you much better this way." Truth be told I like me better this way. Changing for someone other than yourself is pointless. So to the little dudes out there that are complete bitches... don't change EVA! Someone will love your bitchy ass. That someone isn't me though. I will just ruin your self esteem and life and destroy everything you have ever worked towards... y'know... actual quote from... someone.

Thankfully my faith is not completely lost because I have some pretty cool dude friends. Had it not been for me telling them certain stories and them going "What the fuck?" I probably would have turned lesbian.

Rant over-ish... I'm sure I'll add more later.