Dear Neighbor,

I heard you the other night. Porn video playing oh so loud. 

I felt like your stalker and I really hope you mind. Neighbor, my dear, other people can hear your videos as well. In a very awkward way, I'm a little disappointed the noise only lasts for about 6 minutes. Really. Your poor girlfriend. 

Oh wait... You probably don't have one. 

BOOM! ROASTED!

Silly neighbor, I don't know if you mean to play your serial killer music at 2 in the morning while I'm trying to sleep, but you do. It makes me want to be a serial killer. 

Just.

Like.

You.

Neighbor, old friend, and I do mean "old" quite literally... because I saw you the other day and made eye contact. You know, the eye contact that says, "I heard you fapping the other night." It was long and awkward. <--- I bet that's what she said to you minus the "long" part.

Sweet sweet disgusting neighbor, I'm about to arm myself with a shit load of people at my apartment and just blast awful rap music while we do nothing but play cards with ear plugs in for 6 hours straight.

I beg that we come to an agreement where you only fap while I'm at work and blast your horrifically serial killerish music before I go to bed. That way I only have nightmares about dying instead of actually fearing for my life when I wake up at 2 in the morning to your creepy music.

One last note neighbor of mine, suck my dick. Because I hate you and your very creepy lifestyle.

Sincerely,

Creeped out downstairs neighbor