Let's just jump right in.
I've been gone.
I've been busy? No... not really more like, morbidly depressed with life. If it's one thing I'm super awesome at, it's definitely being pessimistic. I can try and be cheery and elated with new life, but that takes effort. It's just so much more natural for me to be kinda bitchy and negative. It makes you laugh. Don lie. <- That's a funny accent, not a misspelling, pinky swears it.
So why am I so negative Nora all of the sudden?
Well, bitch, there are many reasons, like... I got into a car accident on the same day that I got a new job. Right there. I get good news and the universe is all, "Oh what? You're kinda semi happy with an odd looking smile thing on your face? KAPPPLOWWEEE!!! Buttfucked up the life hole! Have fun with that." Universe: 1, Taylor: -52.
To me, being 21, living alone, and having to battle roaches, and shitty people I used to work with, and parents being worried about me 24/7, and the impending zombie apocalypse... shit gets stressful. Oh yeah, and I constantly have money issues, and my dog ate chocolate and had the shits last night, and I'm pretty sure a roach was crawling on my arm this morning.
Let me paint a dark picture for you. Here I am... in my little boat on a placid body of water, and the weather isn't gorgeous, but it's not a full blown hurricane. Then, a split second later a tornado full of old men watching porn, and feral cats touches down next to me, the wind is full force, acidic water is pimp slapping me in the face. and the goddamn lochness monster just chomped my arm off... and instead of bleeding blood, I bleed roaches. It's not cool.
You're welcome for that.
It's a slippery slope being in my mind. I just get lost and I'll try to climb my way back out, but it's wishful thinking for now.
I think most of it is my apartment. If you live in shit, I'm pretty sure you feel like shit. Except for those people who live like kings and still feel like shit. I don't know how that works exactly... but my apartment was once a place I felt comfortable sleeping, and then the roach infestation happened and it's just gross. I pretty much gave up.
I know it doesn't sound that bad, but every time I try to cook, one will be like, "Hey... whatcha cookin' good lookin?"
Every time I take a shower, "You didn't have to wash off for me. I like dirty girls."
Every time I go to sleep, "Room for two? ......................Thousand."
So, that depresses/ruins my feeling of safety and comfort. I have a bunch of freeloading roommates who eat my food and use my water... also they carry diseases, but I get fear out of the relationship, so that's cool.
A ray of sunshine in this dark demented blog of mine is that I did meet a nice (actually nice) guy. Who's to say what's going to happen, but for this moment in time he is pretty cool. He even kills roaches. Another glimmer of light, I also got a new job that I'm extremely happy with. My stress level with work has gone done 110%, it's crazy. I'm thinking I might be moving towards a good place in my life but I'm not actually going to say it out loud for two reasons. 1.) The universe will buttfuck me and 2.) A roach will probably interrupt me all like, "Hey girl, do you like babies, because I just had 16 of them in your bathroom."
Yeah... I'm done now. I'll be back soonish.
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